Chapter 16 — two girls, two monkeys, the Oreillons

Candide and Cacambo push deeper into unknown country. They reach a beautiful meadow crossed by streams. They hear small cries that seem to be from women. Two naked girls are running across the meadow, with two monkeys biting their buttocks. Candide, an excellent musket-shot from his Bulgarian service, kills both monkeys. He congratulates himself: he has saved two girls' lives. Then he sees the two girls embracing the monkey corpses, weeping. Cacambo explains, in a set-piece of comic anthropology: the monkeys were the girls' lovers; in some countries monkeys gain the affections of the ladies; they are a quarter human, just as Cacambo is a quarter Spaniard.

They retreat into the forest, sup, sleep on moss. They wake unable to move. The Oreillon tribe — to whom the girls have denounced them — have bound them with cords of tree bark. Fifty Oreillons surround them, armed with bows, clubs, stone hatchets. Some are bringing a great cauldron to a boil. Others are preparing spits. All are shouting: "A Jesuit! A Jesuit! We'll have our revenge — let's eat the Jesuit!" Candide cries, "What would Master Pangloss say if he could see what pure nature actually produces?"

Cacambo never loses his head. He gives a speech: gentlemen, you intend to dine on a Jesuit; this is fair, and the law of nature teaches us to kill our neighbor; we don't eat our neighbors only because we have better food. But surely you wouldn't want to eat your friends. The man you mean to roast is not a Jesuit; he just killed one and is wearing the dead man's clothes. Send two of your men to verify. If I have lied, eat us then. The Oreillons think this very reasonable. Two leading men go and verify. They return with confirmation. The Oreillons untie their prisoners, escort them to the edge of their territory crying: "He's no Jesuit! He's no Jesuit!" Candide reflects on the way out: pure nature is good after all; if I had not been lucky enough to run Cunégonde's brother through, I would have been devoured.