William Shakespeare’s

The Merry Wives of Windsor

What happens when someone mistakes your friendliness for an opportunity?

Tinct · Library · The Merry Wives of Windsor
Chapters
  1. Chapter 1Act 1, Scene 1 — Windsor. Before Page’s house
  2. Chapter 2Act 1, Scene 2 — The same
  3. Chapter 3Act 1, Scene 3 — A room in the Garter Inn
  4. Chapter 4Act 1, Scene 4 — A room in Doctor Caius’s house
  5. Chapter 5Act 2, Scene 1 — Before Page’s house
  6. Chapter 6Act 2, Scene 2 — A room in the Garter Inn
  7. Chapter 7Act 2, Scene 3 — A field near Windsor
  8. Chapter 8Act 3, Scene 1 — A field near Frogmore
  9. Chapter 9Act 3, Scene 2 — The street, in Windsor
  10. Chapter 10Act 3, Scene 3 — A room in Ford’s house
  11. Chapter 11Act 3, Scene 4 — A room in Page’s house
  12. Chapter 12Act 3, Scene 5 — A room in the Garter Inn
  13. Chapter 13Act 4, Scene 1 — A street
  14. Chapter 14Act 4, Scene 2 — A room in Ford’s house
  15. Chapter 15Act 4, Scene 3 — A room in the Garter Inn
  16. Chapter 16Act 4, Scene 4 — A room in Ford’s house
  17. Chapter 17Act 4, Scene 5 — A room in the Garter Inn
  18. Chapter 18Act 4, Scene 6 — The same. Another room in the Garter Inn
  19. Chapter 19Act 5, Scene 1 — A room in the Garter Inn
  20. Chapter 20Act 5, Scene 2 — Windsor Park
  21. Chapter 21Act 5, Scene 3 — A street leading to the Park
  22. Chapter 22Act 5, Scene 4 — Windsor Park
  23. Chapter 23Act 5, Scene 5 — Another part of the Park

Act 1, Scene 1 — Windsor. Before Page’s house

_Enter JUSTICE SHALLOW, SLENDER, and SIR HUGH EVANS._

_Shal._ Sir Hugh, persuade me not; I will make a Star-chamber matter of it: if he were twenty Sir John Falstaffs, he shall not abuse Robert Shallow, esquire.

_Slen._ In the county of Gloucester, justice of peace and ‘Coram.’ 5

_Shal._ Ay, cousin Slender, and ‘Custalorum.’

_Slen._ Ay, and ‘Rato-lorum’ too; and a gentleman born, master parson; who writes himself ‘Armigero,’ in any bill, warrant, quittance, or obligation, ‘Armigero.’

_Shal._ Ay, that I do; and have done any time these 10 three hundred years.

_Slen._ All his successors gone before him hath done’t; and all his ancestors that come after him may: they may give the dozen white luces in their coat. 15

_Shal._ It is an old coat.

_Evans._ The dozen white louses do become an old coat well; it agrees well, passant; it is a familiar beast to man, and signifies love.

_Shal._ The luce is the fresh fish; the salt fish is an old coat. 20

_Slen._ I may quarter, coz.

_Shal._ You may, by marrying.

_Evans._ It is marring indeed, if he quarter it.

_Shal._ Not a whit.

_Evans._ Yes, py’r lady; if he has a quarter of your 25 coat, there is but three skirts for yourself, in my simple conjectures: but that is all one. If Sir John Falstaff have committed disparagements unto you, I am of the church, and will be glad to do my benevolence to make atonements and compremises between you. 30

_Shal._ The council shall hear it; it is a riot.

_Evans._ It is not meet the council hear a riot; there is no fear of Got in a riot: the council, look you, shall desire to hear the fear of Got, and not to hear a riot; take your vizaments in that. 35

_Shal._ Ha! o’ my life, if I were young again, the sword should end it.

_Evans._ It is petter that friends is the sword, and end it: and there is also another device in my prain, which peradventure prings goot discretions with it:--there is Anne 40 Page, which is daughter to Master Thomas Page, which is pretty virginity.

_Slen._ Mistress Anne Page? She has brown hair, and speaks small like a woman.

_Evans._ It is that fery person for all the orld, as just as 45 you will desire; and seven hundred pounds of moneys, and gold and silver, is her grandsire upon his death’s-bed (Got deliver to a joyful resurrections!) give, when she is able to overtake seventeen years old: it were a goot motion if we leave our pribbles and prabbles, and desire a marriage between 50 Master Abraham and Mistress Anne Page.

_Slen._ Did her grandsire leave her seven hundred pound?

_Evans._ Ay, and her father is make her a petter penny.

_Slen._ I know the young gentlewoman; she has good gifts. 55

_Evans._ Seven hundred pounds and possibilities is goot gifts.

_Shal._ Well, let us see honest Master Page. Is Falstaff there?

_Evans._ Shall I tell you a lie? I do despise a liar as I do 60 despise one that is false, or as I despise one that is not true. The knight, Sir John, is there; and, I beseech you, be ruled by your well-willers. I will peat the door for Master Page.

[_Knocks_] What, hoa! Got pless your house here!

_Page._ [_Within_] Who’s there? 65

_Enter PAGE._

_Evans._ Here is Got’s plessing, and your friend, and Justice Shallow; and here young Master Slender, that peradventures shall tell you another tale, if matters grow to your likings.

_Page._ I am glad to see your worships well. I thank 70 you for my venison, Master Shallow.

_Shal._ Master Page, I am glad to see you: much good do it your good heart! I wished your venison better; it was ill killed. How doth good Mistress Page?--and I thank you always with my heart,...